I believe we all need to look under the surface to find our own path to healing
I’ve never felt comfortable with someone else having to “fix” me, even when I was feeling physically broken a number of years back, I knew that with all my “team” supporting me (doctor, chiropractor, psychologist, kinesiologist… ) it was really down to me to make it happen; no-one else could be as motivated as me to find that path to healing.
In the years since, I’ve tried any number of things in pursuit of a me that feels as good as possible. What I know for sure now, is that self connection is key. And that when I talk about healing, I really mean WHOLENESS. Fully you, all of you, the best you can be.
Where to start?
How well do you know your self, as you are now? Not the person you were in your 20’s, or before kids, or before the job you really don’t like. Right now.
Not the person you’ll be in the future once you lose weight, find love, get a new job, better house… whatever that “thing” is that’s going to make you happy.
Just right now.
Feeling lonely and isolated, even when we are surrounded by others and things to do, tasks to complete, is a big signpost to look inwards first. We tend to project everything outwards and that’s what we see around us. Healing must happen inside first.
Who are you now?
If you’ve got free time right now, what would you really LOVE to do? What makes you feel excited? Turns you on? Fills you with joy, or peace, or satisfaction? Don’t know??
Neither did I. I felt so disconnected from my self that I didn’t know. I could distract myself with friends, or work, or the kids, but it wasn’t filling that deep need. That’s your soul, or spirit, or intuition, or whatever you like to call it, reaching out to let you know – you need to stop. All the doing and being “so busy” all the time. It’s not a badge of honour to be overwhelmed.
There is always time for you, there has to be.
Whether that’s 5 minutes to breathe, meditate, journal, lie on the grass and look at the sky – take it. Make that time, insert some little pauses into your day.
Because you are lonely for your self.
The disconnection you feel from others, from the world; it’s really disconnection from YOU.
What you are experiencing is like looking into a big mirror, showing you what you’re giving out. The really cool thing is, you have the power and the ability to change that. Yes, you. It might not feel that way, but you are your own greatest healer, the best asset on your team.
Even if you are working with a practitioner to support this process, you must still do the work too. A healer is there to support your return to wholeness, but deep lasting change requires your commitment to digging deep and taking action. To making those tiny steps forward and to keep trying, even when it feels so hard. To being patient and gentle with yourself and taking things at your own pace.
Slow is still progress and no-one else’s path looks like yours.
What can you do?
Give yourself the time to really listen to what is being shown to you. What are you noticing in your life that continually stresses you or makes you angry and frustrated? People, situations, difficult emotions that keep occurring. Whatever is being shown to you – what does that suggest about yourself and your behaviour, beliefs, attitudes?
What to look for:
People aren’t listening to you? Do you feel heard? What are you not hearing about yourself, about your desires and needs?
All kinds of situations and people are making you angry? What exactly are you angry about in your life? Don’t be surprised but it may even be yourself that you are angry with.
It will get uncomfortable, yes. We spend a good deal of time ignoring these feelings, the “negative” ones particularly. We try to get over it and distract ourselves from feeling whatever it is.
What if you didn’t ignore it?
What if you just let it be there. Allow yourself to feel it. With no need to over-analyse it, or tell yourself over and over the “story” of what happened. Allow yourself to feel it all, and it WILL pass, it will leave you.
This is not a skill or concept that we are taught as children, in fact we are often told to stop feeling how we feel. So we do, kind of, we learn to ignore it. But it doesn’t go away, we carry it around, getting heavier all the time.
The real danger here, is we ignore ourselves into numbness. That makes it even harder to connect with the emotions we want to feel – joy, inspiration, satisfaction, passion. Be willing to put down that load and gently start unravelling these denied feelings.
Take it slowly, and particularly if you have experienced trauma, you may want to work with an experienced professional who can help you find your way through and process these emotions.
Look for patterns, what keeps occurring?
Is it a word, a feeling, an idea? Stay with that and acknowledge what it shows you.
- I am afraid to try that.
- I am not good enough to do that.
- I am unloveable.
- I am invisible.
Write them down and ask yourself WHY? Write that down too, and keep asking, keep writing. Strange and unexpected things will tumble out on the page. Let them.
In becoming aware of these beliefs about yourself, you give yourself the power to release them. It’s a process of peeling away those layers to find the SELF underneath it all. Give yourself that time and space to feel and listen, and to accept with love rather than reject what we don’t like about ourselves.
This is your path to healing, to wholeness.
If you’d like more support with this kind of scenario, this is something we can work with in a Reiki session, I also combine other tools from my training to facilitate the inner exploration.
Want to know more? Get in touch and we can chat about how this can work for you.