I got to thinking recently about how easy it is to think that other people have it all together, while YOUR best doesn’t feel good enough. You might have already seen this post I shared on Instagram and Facebook (click to read the full post). The thing is, people really responded to it. Often people like and move on, but this post, it prompted people to say something.
It got me thinking that, like me, other people might be bored of seeing all this curated perfection on social media. I love a good inspirational quote as much as the next woman but honestly, I’m getting numb to it.
It’s so easy to scroll through and give a quick like to all the beautiful things we see but what stops you scrolling and gets you thinking? There are too many people out there feeling like they aren’t doing enough or good enough, feeling alone and lonely, feeling stuck, and it shouldn’t be this way.
What are we looking for in our social media feed?
For me, I want something that makes me think, or shows me a different perspective. We want to connect, to feel part of something, to feel like we can relate to what others are feeling.
I didn’t post this to have people feel sorry for me, or to say how hard my life is, that’s not the case at all. Nor did I want to post yet another inspiring quote that someone else wrote!
I wanted to remind people that we are ALL JUST DOING OUR BEST, and while our best may not feel good enough, to try not to compare to those illusions we see as other people’s lives. When I stop doing that, I can see all those little gems scattered through my life, the happy times, the fun moments, the fabulous people, and I can feel hopeful for more.
Maybe your “best right now” REALLY doesn’t feel good enough today?
When I feel like I’m dropping balls left, right & centre I try to remember that other days will be better. Other moments even, if the days are too much to think about. When I know better, I’ll do better.
- Remember the privilege we live with every day. I am not part of a race or culture of people who are persecuted right now. I am not homeless. Some days when I try to be grateful, those are the only things I can remember. Grateful I have a warm, safe home to sleep in. I have food in the fridge. That my family are with me.
- Notice if you are living in the past or the future. I believe this is the biggest culprit for making ourselves feel bad. Recriminations, shame, regret, worry; can you let go, even a little, of the hold they have over you? Give yourself a little bit of space from them, just for today. And then try again the next day, and the next.
- Give your mind a rest somehow. Try a meditation app, have a sleep, go for a walk. Pick up the phone and call a friend to say hi. Maybe they need that too. Notice that resistance against doing any of these things and see if you can do it anyway.
- Better yet, confront that resistance head-on. I write it all down, or use my tools to work through a process to notice what is really happening and why these feelings are coming up.
- Put in place some physical support. Have you checked in with your doctor/health practitioner lately? I have to watch iron and thyroid levels, and if I’m feeling really anxious I’ll take some St John’s Wort for support. What are the triggers for you?
What can we do when we really aren’t feeling up to scratch?
When NONE of these things are enough, when we are deep in it, what then? Feeling stuck, helpless, hopeless, trapped, uninspired, flat. Then I turn to someone else for help.
Can you let someone hold you when you can’t hold it all together yourself?
I know I need my regular chiropractor visits, Reiki & Focusing sessions, walks or dinners with friends, laughs & cuddles with my family – all the things that get me out of my head and help keep me on track.
Sometimes it takes me a while to remember this and each time I wonder why, but that’s the truth – I don’t have it all worked out.
“Self-care” is so much more than day spas and buying yourself nice things (another concept hijacked by social media hashtags!) and I would love to replace it with SELF-RESPECT. It is prioritising yourself over everything else when you know you need more because you are important too.
We wouldn’t ignore our children/family/friend if they need looking after, yet we consistently put ourselves to the end of the line, after work, kids, partners, parents, HOUSEWORK! As I wrote in my post, work on your shit, don’t ignore it. YOU matter.
So this is my reminder to you today, please notice what it is you need, and ask for it. Make it happen somehow.
- Change things around or let go of something that’s in your way, taking up too much time and brainspace.
- Re-prioritise.
- Let a friend help you with something. Friends like helping their friends!
- Find someone to talk to, someone to support you.
- Consider what it is that you need for your own healing process.
We are the only ones who are so invested in our own wellbeing, we are the ones who will benefit the most. Respect, acceptance & kindness towards yourself could be the first step.
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